oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
