well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
jump out the window naked night went bad
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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