It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sober January is a disaster.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
