You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
