I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
