He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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