you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
