people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize