And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
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