Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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