currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
