he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
that may or may not have been my penis.
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