NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
