It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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