You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
