I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
