Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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