i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
