I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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