If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
