i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
