Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just sent this text using only my big toe
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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