turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
