just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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