ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Holy shit dude........stairs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
