I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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