Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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