if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
