Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
