wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
