I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
