I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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