so explain again why im purple
no
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
