Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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