I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
