So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
