return my video game
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The police scanner is talking about you again....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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