she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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