Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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