Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
