my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize