How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
