the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i've created a new STD.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
