can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
