In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like abortions should bother me more
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
