A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize