Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
