We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
