I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
