R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
