Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
