One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As shirtless as possible
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
