I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
