It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
