I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I will be naked everywhere
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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