You can't motorboat a personality
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
