I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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