Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
