I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
