i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
