no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
