I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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