farters have to be the big spoon...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
