Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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