Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
