knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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