In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
