Apparently you make a good broom.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We are two peas in an std pod
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
