Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
