So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
