The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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