And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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