Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize